Fanfic - Once (WMatsui)
SKE48; 1512 words; Angst; (WMatsui)
‘It was just inevitable.’
A/N: It’s slight AU and I apologize for any OOC. I write too much on WMatsui and RenAirin (couldn’t help it though after Rena put Jurina in the friend/imouto zone OTL). I promise to write about some other pairing in the next story haha;;
She swung her legs over the ledge, her feet dipping occasionally into the lake’s water. Her eyes mesmerized at the vast sight of nature before her. From the tranquil stilled but ever flowing water to the slow swaying green leaves of the tree just across the lake.
She wondered if her heart could ever be at peace like the scenery.
It wasn’t easy to leave a relationship, especially one that she didn’t particularly want to end but did anyway. She didn’t wake up one morning and thought,
'Oh, it's a nice day, perfect for a break up.'
Jurina Matsui was a dive in head first type of girl but the decision to be the one to end it all wasn’t something she had spontaneously done. Don’t get mixed up, it wasn’t planned either.
It was just inevitable.
She was happy being together with Rena. It was everything she had thought it’d be like and best of all Rena would always smile a certain smile at her every time. A sort of special smile, one that only Jurina could see…-it always made her heart stop.
They knew each other ever since Jurina moved in next door to the girl. It was mere coincidence their family shared the same last names but it was the spark that lit their relationship to bloom.
Jurina was loud, rambunctious, athletic and always wanted to find new things to explore. While Rena was quiet, reserved and found adventures in the simple texts of her books. It was always a wonder how they managed to get along, let alone start a relationship.
They had almost nothing in common.
She remembers the first time she had kissed Rena. It wasn’t on purpose, sort of accidental, she didn’t mean to even do it but Rena had been reading one of her many books again and…-Well, Jurina never saw anyone so pretty in her life than at that moment.
She’d blame Rena for being too pretty later on.
She slipped the adventures of Peter Pan away from Rena’s hand, tucking it away in a corner on the floor for it to be forgotten. She remembers how Rena’s eyes had looked at her with no signs of surprise or confusion but instead held quiet hope and expectance. Almost like she wanted it, just was waiting for Jurina to make the first move.
That reassurance gave her the courage to go for it, to lean in with eyes fluttering to a close and feel Rena’s lips press against hers.
She found that they were soft and sweet. They had tasted like melon pan and Jurina wondered if Rena had eaten some before she had come over. It was only a press to the lips that lasted only a few seconds and Jurina had to wonder if it was just a one-time thing that just filled curiosity.
When Rena pulled her back with that special smile, she simply just knew.
They never talked about what had occurred that night. It was mutual understanding that didn’t really need explaining, they both knew what it was and what it was made them both inexplicably happy.
To find herself leaving it all nearly a year later was hard on herself. She never thought they were so flawed that eventually their time would come to an end. She didn’t think the possibility of their end was because Rena would look at someone else; fall for someone else, someone who wasn’t her.
It hurt to know that reserved smile was no longer reserved, hurt to know that time together was spent less and less, and to know she didn’t look at her the same way had torn her heart from her chest and watch it be shredded in front of her.
When she found out that Rena liked someone else, of course she was angry…-furious to be exact.
They spent a lot of time arguing, fighting and spewing venomous words neither of them meant. It wasn’t a pleasant time for either of them and it left their hearts battered and bruised. Jurina remembered asking if they were ever going to be okay.
Jurina spent a lot of time being angry. Upset at Rena, upset at Airi —the girl that was taking Rena away and furious at herself for letting it happen. It didn’t occur to her that their time had already expired and being together wasn’t an option anymore. It didn’t occur to her that she was clinging to something that ended before Airi even showed up.
They were already drifting away from each other. They already spent more time fighting than laughing, avoided each other when they could and that burning fire in their relationship was already a dying ember.
Airi was just the catalyst, an excuse, a reason to go their separate ways.
Even if they weren’t ready to say goodbye yet.
She didn’t end it in the traditional sense of ending a relationship. Rather she had simply left a note saying ‘I’m Sorry.' and that was that. Then again, they never needed to explain much to each other, they had sort of always known what the other meant.
Jurina sighed heavily as she watched the sun slowly descend into the earth and let the stars out to shine. Leaning back on the dock she stared and wondered if things would get better, if she really was okay with letting go.
Familiar light brown, almond shaped eyes stared down at her and Jurina blinked. A painful clutch twisted in her chest but she forced herself to smile regardless and the older girl smiled back.
"What are you doing here? How’d you even get here?"
Rena sat herself beside Jurina, shoulders nearly touching and stargazed with Jurina before deciding upon an answer. She shrugged, a small smile gracing her lips,
"Car and I didn’t like your note."
Jurina chuckled bittersweet,
Jurina laughed and Rena smiled, it almost felt like nothing had changed, like Rena wasn’t falling for someone else and they both were still together…-But of course, that’s not true.
"Seriously, why are you here?"
The air stilled and everything was quiet except for the sound of their breathing and the swishing of the water below them. Rena’s smile fading like the sun to give rise for the moon and the stars. She looked at the other Matsui, quietly observing to find the girl looking at something else.
Looking everywhere but at her and she knew.
"I was worried."
"How sweet." smirked the younger girl but as she looked on at the lake, her smile slowly disappeared. Thoughts and memories bombarded her and she bit the bottom of her lips hoping it would stop and wishing for the first time for Rena to just go away.
"I was scared, that you were saying goodbye.”
"Isn’t that the point of breaking up?"
They were quiet for a long time and Jurina knew Rena was staring at her. Felt the girl’s eyes watching her and it was almost unbearable but she refused to look her way again. Afraid that she’d end up…-well, she wasn’t quite sure.
"It doesn’t have to be."
"You haven’t been in a lot of relationships have you? When people break up, it usually means goodbye. People don’t usually stay as friends after a break up… It hurts too much.”
"Does it hurt? For you?"
Jurina scoffed, she couldn’t help it but look at Rena this time,
"What do you think?"
"I never meant to hurt you."
"We never meant a lot of things but that didn’t stop us, did it?"
They grew quiet again and the tension between them grew, Jurina didn’t mean to drive her out, to make her go but just being around her… It made her heart clench and twist and forced her brain to be flooded with memories too fresh, too soon to be dealt with.
A warm, soft hand covered hers and it burned like the fires from hell but no matter how much it hurt, it lay hidden that small comfort that calmed her soul. It was a hand that told her that she wasn’t going anywhere no matter what.
It was a kind hand from a kind person.
Jurina wondered though, if that first time they kissed was out of hopeful expectance or compliance. Rena was far too kind to reject anyone even if it meant being in a one-sided relationship and the thought that she was in a one-sided relationship all along, it threatened to shatter her heart completely.
She bit her tongue before looking over at Rena to find the girl staring right back at her. -She still manages to make Jurina’s breaking heart to skip a beat.- She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know but the question burned through her and knew eventually she’ll regret not asking.
She stared with sad, hopeful eyes and asked,
"Were we in love?"
Rena didn’t move, didn’t flinch, just looked back before a small, rueful smile painted her lips,